Make-up had to be a creation of a man somewhere who was looking to get even with his wife or girlfriend for PMS. Who else could have come up with a way to have almost every woman in the known world addicted to smearing goop all over her face on a daily basis? And not just one layer of goop but multiple layers of the stuff. This man even has women getting so close to their eyes with sharp objects that their mothers should be cringing at the thought but can’t because they’re busy doing it too. If I got that close to my eye with a knife, I’d hear people screaming at me from all sides, which actually wouldn’t be a good idea since I’d have a knife that close to my eye and they might just startle me. Then it wouldn’t be next to my eye but most likely hanging out of it instead. But I digress.
There are women who actually will not leave their homes without this goop on their faces for fear of being seen without it. I’ve even heard of women who sleep with a base coat on. Now how ugly do you have to be if you need goop to cover up who you really are even when you’re asleep? What, are they afraid if they sneak up on the mirror first thing in the morning without their make-up it’s going to make a break for it and run away?
And not only has this man convinced women it’s impossible to go outside without it, he made it in such a way that it has to be spackled on. Then as soon as a woman goes outside into the heat, it starts to melt, and the next thing she knows, she’s standing there with her face on her shirt. So the latest poor defenseless soul to be taken in by this man’s scheme has to run for the nearest mirror to paint her face back on. But this only works as long as she’s in a cool place. When she goes back outside it melts again, and now the woman has two faces on her shirt because we all know a woman will lug a large duffel bag around to carry all their make-up never thinking to carry an extra shirt to catch that extra face. Well played sir, well played indeed.