Living large in Fatopia.

Posts tagged ‘just say no’

Just Because It Fits Doesn’t Mean You Should Wear It

Hey Man, Your Diaper's Full.I have been dying to say this so here it is, just because they make something in your size does not mean you should wear it. There, I said it and I’m glad I did. Now no one can say they didn’t know.

Man or woman, it makes no difference. Most folks don’t want to see your underwear. If you are going to buy low cut jeans, please take the time to pick up some low rise undies to go with them. I for one don’t want to know if your girl loves you enough to buy you boxers with hearts all over them, unless, of course, it’s Thursday, and laundry day isn’t until Saturday. That is the only reason I can think of for a guy to walk around sporting something like that for the whole world to see with a smile on his face trying to pretend it looks cool. The only thing I can think of that could be more embarrassing would be if he were walking around with his mother-in-law’s underwear hanging out for everyone to see.

And I certainly don’t want to see if your man thinks you look sexy in a pair of thong britches. Every time I see some poor soul wearing thong underwear, a picture of dental floss and butt cheeks jumps into my mind, and nobody should have to endure that. How can a person wear a pair of underwear that could cause serious bodily harm if someone gives them a wedgie? Wearing low rise pants advertising that you’re wearing them is just asking for trouble you don’t want.

I don’t care if they’re good old whitey tidies; nobody needs to know what your drawers look like, but you, and of course your mother if she wants to make sure you’re wearing clean ones that don’t have holes in them. I believe it is the worst nightmare of any mother in the world; that her child might have a car accident when they’re not wearing their good underwear.

I can hear the scene as it unfolds now. It’s the middle of the night and the phone rings. A woman snatched from a peaceful sleep answers saying, “Hello.”

“Yes, ma’am, this is the police department. I’m sorry to have to tell you that your child was involved in an accident tonight and has been taken to the hospital.”

“Tell me, was she wearing her good underwear?”

“Yes, ma’am.  We found them in the glove compartment.”

“We asked. She said it makes them easier to find in a parked car in the dark.”

Oh, that poor mom.

 

Crystal Schall, Fat Chick 411Crystal Schall is a southern born mother of four,  freelance editor, and writer living large in Fatopia. The self-proclaimed Original Fat Chick hates the huge white elephant standing in the corner of the room wherever she goes-her weight. Instead of ignoring it, she tackles her weight issues, along with anything else that comes to mind, head on and writes about her journey through life on her blog Fat Chick 411.

 

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