What They Don’t Tell You #FatChick411

When you are Super Morbidly Obese, and they’re telling you to lose weight, no one tells you it’s gonna hurt like hell!

Here’s some #FatChick411 for ya. At my biggest, I probably weighed well over 700 pounds. It’s impossible to say how big I actually got because the scales errored out at over 650 pounds. I’m guessing I was easily over 750 pounds. I’m down to 428 pounds now. I’m not bragging, just stating fact.

I was that size for a long time. I mean years. I was told at one point that I had stage three kidney disease. My legs were swollen so badly that my right leg burst. The doctor told me to get my ass home and in a recliner with my feet up and to stay there if I didn’t want to lose my legs. So I did. For years. I still have my legs, thank God. Maybe he was right, but it took a tole on my body.

I saw a different doctor years later who told me the extra fat had started making its own hormones. I went through menopause early because of it. Like in my mid-thirties early. Okay, I’m not complaining about that. No period is amazing!

Along with the weight came high blood pressure that went unchecked for years. That’s the only cause the doctors I’ve seen can point to as causing the kidney disease because my kidneys look fine on the ultrasound.

The reason I keep talking about my kidney disease is because I lose 10,000 units of vitamin D through my kidneys every day. This also went unchecked for years causing my teeth and bones not to absorb calcium the way they should. I look like I have meth mouth, and my bones are brittle.

I bring this up because this is where the newest pain comes in. I was stretching across my dad’s hospital bed the other day to clean behind it, and my ribs were on the metal side rail. I stretched as far as I could. Pop! Something popped in my rib area. I’m not sure if I cracked a rib or just strained the muscles, but it is now a few days later and I am still swollen in that area and am in excruciating pain.

I taped my ribs for a day. Oh my gosh! The difference was amazing. A lot of the pain left. Two 24 oz. beers later and I finally got more than a few hours sleep for the first time in a few days. It was amazing!

And then I turned stupid and removed the tape. That wasn’t so bad. The pain was manageable right up till my younger son and I were horsing around. I took his phone and was playing keep away with it. He fell on top of me trying to get it, and Pop! There went my ribs again. Now here I sit at almost 2 a.m. unable to sleep again.

I’m not saying don’t lose the extra weight. Mentally, I feel a ton better since losing the weight, although I do feel like I’m wearing someone else’s skin suit at times. Just make sure you have a doctor who is experienced with morbidly obese people and helping them lose weight. A great support system at home helps as well.

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#WordlessWednesday

The Heroine’s Journey of Mary Ann Bernal

Take a moment to get to know history enthusiast and amazingly talented author, Mary Ann Bernal, through this wonderful interview by Peter DeKuster.

The Heroine's Journey

What is the best thing that I love about my work? I love being able to share my passion for history, breathing life into ancient characters and reminding the modern reader that they were just like us.

What is my idea of perfect happiness? Perfect happiness is being at peace with one’s self as you tackle the challenges of life.

What is my greatest fear? Having hatred and violence escalate into another world war.

What is the trait that I most deplore in myself? Lack of patience, but I’m working on that.

What is my greatest extravagance? Owning DVDs of my favorite TV shows and movies; I just “have to have them!” I especially love the behind the scenes extras, enlightening harmless gossip while enjoying a bowl of popcorn.

On what occasion would I lie? Only little white lies to keep feelings from being hurt, but I’d rather not say…

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So They Found Water On Mars

NASA proudly announced that they have found water on Mars. This means that there could possibly be life of some sort on the planet. But you know the government, always trying to make something work to their advantage. I read that they are going so far as to consider letting astronauts use the water they’ve found to drink and to mix up jet propulsion fuel for the return trip home.

I can see it now. Three or four male astronauts, Let’s face it. We know they’re not going to send a woman along on the first ride to Mars,  in their space suits standing around a trickle of water about as big as a match stem, discussing how they’re going to catch it and who is going to stay outside long enough to collect enough water for this magic recipe. Since I’m sure the astronauts in question will be married with families of their own, none of them are going to know how to cook anything.

 

Suddenly, out of nowhere comes an empty water bottle left over from lunch because the shuttle is going to be a real mess without a woman’s touch. Then some poor sucker gets to stand out there in their white space suit for days and nights trying to catch the needed water only to give up and go back to the mother ship to use the potty. Everyone knows the surest way to get someone to pee if they can’t is to turn on a faucet close by. Works like a charm every time.

Men don’t read direction; they just jump in feet first and start putting stuff together. Although NASA will make sure they have all the equipment and instruments they’ll need to make this magic recipe of fuel to get back home, one of them will say they can just eyeball it and it will be just as good. Um… Hello! You’re not mixing up a baby bottle here. This really is rocket science. Screw this one up, and you’re not in the dog house. Oh no, you’re stuck on Mars forever or until  AAA  Roadside Assistance can get there with a gas can to get you going again. Thank goodness one of the guys had his card in the wallet he wasn’t supposed to bring on the trip.

Silly questions here. Isn’t Mars called “the red planet” because there is so much iron on the surface that it blows like dust clouds? If so, wouldn’t any water found there be “iron water” on top of being super salty making it pretty much impossible to drink? And wouldn’t all of these things in the water have to be calculated into the equation if they were ever going to try to use the water to make rocket fuel? See, rocket science. I rest my case.

Same Sex Marriage Is Causing Christian Persecution In America

I’ve stayed quiet on this subject as long as I can. I keep seeing where people and businesses are getting into trouble for refusing to take part in any way in gay marriages because of their religious beliefs. I’ve also seen people such as the great George Takei say that people are allowed to hold their religious beliefs but not to impose those beliefs onto others.

My question for them is what if the Supreme Court passed a law that said that same-sex couples couldn’t be seen dancing in public? What if you had to go out with a couple of your lesbian or other female friends so that you could enjoy a few drinks and some dancing? What if you were not allowed to dance with your partner, but were forced to dance eith your female friend just to be able to get out on the dance floor? I’m pretty sure the LGBT community would be up in arms screaming that they were being discriminated against.

Now imagine people started telling you that you have a right to be LGBT, but you have to hold those beliefs to yourself and shut up and just do what the court has told you to do. Would you like that? Would you like being pushed back into the closet and having the door locked on you to keep you there for good this time? No, you say? Then why are you asking Christians to do the same thing?

Yes, accepting Jesus as our Lord and Savior is a choice, but once the choice is made, Jesus leads all parts of our lives. We follow Him as closely as we can in an effort to be more like Him, although we’ll never make it. And part of that belief for many Christians is that Adam was made for Eve and not Steve. I’m sorry if this hurts feelings and costs me Facebook friends or Twitter followers or whatever.

I am a freelance book editor and proofreader, and I don’t have a problem with editing the types of books that a lot of other Christian editors do because I pray daily that God will send me the manuscripts He wants me to work on. I feel every story needs to be told. If I feel like God puts it on my heart not to take one, I don’t. I only ever returned one manuscript that I refused to work on and that was because of my religious beliefs, but not for the ones you’re probably thinking of.

My point is that I feel like Christians are being persecuted in the country that was founded in large part so that all people could enjoy the right to worship in the way they choose to do so. If someone says they can’t take on whatever project you may have, no matter what it is, because they feel like it goes against their religious beliefs for any reason, not just because it involves a same-sex couple, please find someone else to do the job for you. Everything doesn’t have to turn into a crusade, people. Just move on to the next guy who will be more than proud to take your money.

There are very few things in this world that only one person can do. There’s always someone else waiting in the wings to do the job for you. How about just telling other folks what happened and letting them go to someone else from the start . Let the business owner wonder what happened to all their business and why it seems to have inexplicably dried up. If it’s a person in a government office, just get someone else in the office to issue the license or do whatever. If everyone in the office feels it goes against their religious beliefs, go to another courthouse or municipality. This isn’t as complicated as people are making it.

Christians, hit your knees and pray and open your hearts and let God speak to you and tell you what He wants you to do. Everyone just take a deep breath and stop blowing your stack if you can’t get what you want when you want it. That’s what’s wrong with the world today. Everyone wants instant gratification, but isn’t the thing you want just a little more worthwhile if you have to work for it a little bit? I believe so. God bless and thank you for reading my rant.

Have something to add to this post? Join the conversation in the comments.

How Long Would It Take You To Become Intected From A Zombie Bite?

That’s right folks, it would take over an hour for the FatChick to become a zombie after being bitten. How long would it take you?

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Is Lent “Biblical”? | Linda Bonney Olin ~ Faith Songs

I found Is Lent “Biblical”? by Linda Bonney Olin on her Faith Songs blog to be very interesting indeed. I come from a mixed family. My father is Catholic and my mother is Baptist. My brother chose to become Catholic and I’m a Baptist.

The situation has made for some great discussions about religion throughout my lifetime and even left me with enough questions at one point that I considered myself to be Agnostic.

I was going to observe Lent this year with my dad and brother right up until my brother told me on more than one occasion that “you people”(meaning me and other Baptists I guess) “don’t observe Lent. It’s a Catholic thing.” So when I found this post discussing this very thing I decided to share it with all of you.

Please take a moment to read the post and let Linda know what you think, but don’t be rude. Friends of Fatopia are never rude to our neighbors 🙂

Is Lent “Biblical”? | Linda Bonney Olin ~ Faith Songs.

This Is Alabama #WordlessWednesday

 

 

Click here to link up with Single Mother Ahoy for Wordless Wednesday. I do.

You Must Be This Tall To Ride This Ride – Monday Giggle

And here’s why. You see, the Original Fat Chick isn’t exactly sober this morning. Oh, no, I haven’t been drinking. I’m on the wagon. And what I’ve been doing is perfectly legal, too. You see, I’m jazzed up on orange juice and flu medicine … the good stuff too … maximum strength cold and flu … only the best for my six or eight week creeping crud buddy, you know?

And here’s why it makes a difference that I’m not exactly flying straight this morning either. I finally have the answer no doctor has been able to give me. It’s the answer we’ve been digging and searching for about me for years. I tell you, this is a downright epiphany, people! And it all came about because I’m an almost instant human right now. Just add orange juice and flu medicine and wait for me to come alive. I’m a wild woman!

The great epiphany is why I am as large and in charge as I am. Now follow me on this ride if you can keep up because my brain can’t keep up with how fast my fingers are moving right now. First, take a look at this picture of me. I’ve used it in several places in the last few months, I don’t know why  I’m just noticing this, but I am. Anyway, the picture:

Yep, this is me, again. Would you believe I used to have three chins? Seriously, I did. Now I’m down to two.

Now, look closely, but not too closely because this one will be pretty obvious. You see, I am one of those people who believes that things have to be equal and even. It’s just the way I’m made. Well, take a look at the schnoz I’m honkin’ in that pic. Yeah, I’m talkin’ about that nose. I’ve seen nations living on smaller islands than that thing, I’m telling ya.

Here’s the thing. My body had to do something to even itself out with the size of that monster. My theory is that I wasn’t even conscious this was happening while it was happening, but my brain made up my mind that I had to gain enough weight to even my looks out to make up for the monstrous size of my nose staring everyone in the face. And if you look at this pic, I just might be on to something here.

If you look at things, my face is pretty symmetrical. I have a pretty good balance going on from top to bottom and side to side. Now, I have absolutely no control over my weight. I may gain 50 pounds in a month or lose 75 in a week. It all depends upon what my body decides it’s going to do. I am at its mercy. I have no say in matters whatsoever. Today everything I eat may taste so salty I can’t eat or drink anything but yogurt and sweet tea. Then tomorrow, everything might be so bitter I can only stomach a baked potato and a bottle of water. This body of mine really can’t make up my mind what I want and don’t want. It’s a wild ride, I tell ya.

So, what’s a Fat Chick to do? Every doctor and surgeon I’ve seen recently seems to believe I need gastric bypass surgery. Nah, I just need a good nose job. Is there a plastic surgeon in the house?

Life is short. If we can’t poke fun at ourselves, who can we poke fun at, and what right do we have to poke fun at others? That’s the way I see it anyway. Happy Monday!

Did You E-File Your 2014 Taxes? Find Out When Your Refund Will Be In The Bank

I don’t know how you do it, but I’m just not up for paying an arm and a leg to have someone else file my yearly income taxes for me. I buy a program each year (I prefer Tax Act) that helps me by asking a bunch of dummy questions that even I can’t mess up. I answer them, fill in the blanks it tells me to, click where it tells me to, and in the blink of an eye, I’m ready to e-file my income taxes.

So, my 2014 US federal and state income taxes are filed (YAY, ME!!!). Now, where’s my refund? How does an average, everyday FatChick411 like me go about finding out when my return will be ready to be released to my bank account?

Well, Uncle Sam his this nifty little tool right on the IRS website called Where’s My Refund? You can use this tool once a day to check on your income tax refund. Well, you can actually use it more than once a day, but it won’t do you much good as it’s only updated once every 24 hours, usually overnight while we sleep.

There’s also an app available through the Google Play Store called IRS 2 Go that allows you to check the same information. Just search for it in the Play Store. If you can’t find it the way it’s written, leave out the spaces. You know how this works; this ain’t your first rodeo.

Click on the big piggy bank to find out when your US income tax refund will be released if you’ve already e-filed your federal tax return.

Here’s what you’ll need to check your filing status with these tools:

• Your Social Security number
• Filing status (single, married – filing single, married – filing joint, Head of Household, Qualifying Widow(er))
• Your refund amount in exact whole dollars

And that’s it. Just go to the website or the app, log in with your info, and you’re good to go. You’ll get an update on where your taxes are in the filing process and their release date if one is available. Share this info with your family and friends. No sense waiting on the phone all day if you don’t have to.

 

 

**UPDATE** 2:10 pm 2/21/2015

This article has been highlighted on theneeds.com because of one of my tweets on Twitter. Please take a moment and vote it up if you can and let them know you like what you’ve read. Thank you!

 

Hot Suggestion on Theneeds http://t.co/QToUVU5Rpx

— Crystal Schall (@fatchick411) February 21, 2015